Musings

Writers Conference

2010-02-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

I have longed to go for a writers conference since forever. Not sure what's prevented me in the past, probably excuses, excuses, excuses, or simply not taking the time to research.

This year, I promised to do some research and yes I found one. I am looking forward to getting together with other writers, exchanging writing tips, exchanging ideas, and meeting literary agents, just have a good time.

The conference I am attending is the University of Madison Wisconsin one in April.

This conference offers critique services as well as information sessions on various aspects.

Here's a link to the information in case you're interested:

www.dcs.wisc.edu/LSA/writing/awi/index.html

My family and I will take the weekend off and I will go ahead and have a good time.

Of course when I come back I will share what went well and the things I could have done better.
Can't wait.

Writers' websites

2010-02-21T18:57:00.000-08:00

I love navigating writers' sites while I write. There are so many resources out there. I have joined a number of online communities or subscribed to their newsletters and have found the information, hints and tips on these sites invaluable.

My favorite sites so far are

http://www.writersinthesky.com/

http://www.namw.org/ (Memoir writing lookout....)

http://www.authorsden.com/

http://www.writersmag.com/

I am submitting a new set of articles in the next week. As soon as they get published, guess who'll be the first to know - You. Stay tuned.

Seasons to life.

2010-02-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

I had an inspiring conversation with an acquaintance today. We talked generally and then went on to “what do you do”. I told her what I do, but then moved on to what I would really like to do, work from home, freelance, write.

She said to me “I wouldn’t worry, I raised 5 kids, got a college degree then decided I wanted to waitress, then moved on to other things. There are seasons to life. There will be a time for the things you want to do, just keep them in sight, and their season will come."

Ordinary words,but to me they were so inspiring, and as I drove home, I couldn’t keep those words out of my mind. "There are seasons to life”.

As I thought about those words that wouldn’t leave me, I felt that each one of us has to also be attuned to those seasons in our life. I guess we have to know when the timing is right and go for it. I believe this is my season, and I am going for it.

I hope we all find our seasons. Just thought I should share :)

A writer's journey

2010-02-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

Faith calls those things which are not as though they are, and so yes, I call myself a writer because that's who I am and who I want to be.

I wrote on my last blog how I had a dream about certain "aspirations”. Yes you guessed it, that aspiration is to become a published writer. In that dream I published three children’s' books.

The dream was so vivid because I do already have three children’s book drafts sitting on my computer and wondering what next to do to them. Not only that, I have two items as "works in progress", one in my computer, the other in my head.

My delay has been in how do I revise? how do I storyboard before sending them to prospective agents?. Aside from that, I am a full time working mom. Sometimes I feel like what I do currently is keeping me from what I really want to do.

To make my dream come true, I have to act, because see, “faith without works is dead”. I will follow my own advice and take small steps toward my biggest step.

I hope to keep you updated on my journey, my research, my writing and struggles and I hope we cross the victory line together.

It's a new year. Got goals?.

2010-01-22T21:10:00.000-08:00

Part 2.

Let’s talk about personal goals now. What are those things you’d like to do in your life that you have pushed to the side over and over again? (talking to myself as well).

I recently had a dream about some of my aspirations. Good sign right?. Well maybe. It was real, it's happened, my dream has come true I said to myself after I woke up.

The alarm clock went off and jarred me into reality. I told myself that this will remain a dream until I do something about it. Even if I have all the faith in the world that my dreams will come true, I have to act, and do something about it.

So what do you like? What is it that gives that “fire in your belly”?. Break it down into small, manageable goals.

Set daily goals.
Set weekly goals.
Set monthly goals.
Set a goal for year end.

Set aside sometime for research into your dream, write it down and visualize it, then work to make it happen.

It’s a new year. Got goals?.

2010-01-22T20:43:00.000-08:00

Part 1.

It’s that time of the year again when the fitness clubs are jam packed with “resolutioners”. Are you one of them and will you keep it up?. I am posing the question to myself as well.

I have learnt to break my resolution into goals and objectives. That helps me manage small pieces at a time.

Exercise and diet are key areas of our lives that we cannot and should not ignore. Gone are the days of mindless eating and in are the days of mindful eating.

My objective this year is to keep in shape, and sustain my weight. I am not doing this for vanity sake or to look good in those skinny jeans, but mainly to be fit and have energy to play with my kids and to have long term health benefits.

You might argue that our grandparents lived long without exercise and our parents don't exercise. True, but their world was not as processed, high tech, and polluted as ours is today. Their food was made from fresh ingredients, their lives were not as hectic, stressful or driven as ours is today, and our parents always had help raising us.

Exercise has been known to lower cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes risks. It improves your mood, improves your outlook on life and just makes you feel good emotionally and physically.

Your goals could be :
- Take a ten minute brief walk at the start of the day
- Go for a 10 minute walk after lunch
- Jog for 10 minutes in the evening
* Depending on your work schedule.

If there is no way at all you can make it to a gym, invest in a treadmill or elliptical machine (instead of designer bags, watches, shoes), and do your 30 minutes while watching TV.

Early to bed and early to rise is still true, you can get up 30 minutes earlier, and you'll be done for the day.

Set achievable goals, stick with it for a month and you will be on your way.

I learnt a valuable lesson in a quote I found somewhere “make your goal your habit”. I heard it takes 30 days to form a habit. If it becomes a habit, you do it effortlessly, right +.

Lets aim for that. Let’s do this together, let's countdown 30 days -30, 29, 28….

Haiti

2010-01-22T20:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes in life, something unimaginable happens that makes us reflect upon our petty complaints and grumbling against our lot in life. One such event was Sept 11; other examples are plane crashes with no survivors, the tsunami in Thailand and now the earthquake in Haiti.

We can help by saying a prayer for those affected and also by donating a small amount to their cause. We can put aside that “want” for now and simply be of help to our brothers and sisters who are in “need”.

(http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/)

There are so many ways to donate:

Wclef Jean’s earthquake fund:
Text Yele to 501501
http://www.yele.org/

Red Cross:
Text HAITI to 90999
http://www.redcross.org/

My favorite organization, March of dimes
Text Baby to 20222
http://www.marchofdimes.com/aboutus/49267_62824.asp

As if what is happening is not sad enough, there are some who choose to prey on others' misery by scamming innocent victims out of their money.
Here’s a nice article on how to avoid that:
http://newsblogs.chicagotribune.com/the-problem-solver/2010/01/how-to-avoid-scams-when-donating-to-haitian-relief-efforts.html

Let’s do it, let’s help our brothers and sisters in need. Thank you.

Directions to nowhere

2009-09-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

Asking for directions has always been a toss up. Sometimes you get it right, and sometimes you get it wrong, even with GPS. As tough as it is to ask for directions, some people should just simply stay out of the whole process, and I’ll tell you why.

I was at a continuing education class. One of those classes you have to do to keep your certification current. I went out to lunch with a bunch of classmates.

As we were about to enter our restaurant, a stranger walked by and asked us if we knew where building 4225 was. We were in building 4224.
“Sure” one of the ladies quipped. “Just go past the parking lot and it’s the next building you see” she answered with all certainty.

As we entered our building 4224, there, in bold, written on the wall were directions to 4225. You could only apparently enter that building through ours.

“Oops” my classmate (the one who had given the directions) gasped. “Oh well, he’ll turn back” she said.

“I thought you knew” I said “you sounded so sure”.

She shrugged “I know, I could have sworn I saw that building the other day, I guess I’m wrong”

Everyone burst out laughing.

“So now I know you’re one of those people” another friend went on. “I’ve always wondered what makes those people tick. You know the people you see on the road and you ask for directions and they point you to the right and to the left and it leads to nowhere? I’ve always wondered why they do that.”

“I don’t know” the guilty party admitted “and the funny this is I get mad too when someone gives me wrong directions, I can’t believe I just did that to someone. I hope we don’t meet him on our way out. I always wondered at those people too, well now I know they just wanted to help and felt they were sure of what they were saying. Not out of mischief or anything”

We all laughed and joked some more, and at the end of the conversation, we said if you’re not sure, tell the person you “ think”, but are not sure, or just say you don’t know. Help where you can but whatever you do, do not give directions to nowhere.

Five things I am thankful for today

2009-09-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

God knows me and loves me.
I have a healthy family - immediate and extended.
I am healthy.
I have a job.
God is in control of everything that concerns me.

Tan Tights - A Lesson in Procastination

2009-09-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

My five year old daughter started ballet classes last fall, and for the next seven months, our Saturdays were dedicated to this class. It was right in the middle of the day; 2pm on Saturdays so all our activities had to be planned before and after the ballet. For seven months! It was painful.

Recital day approached, but we had to travel out of the country on vacation. By the time we came back, we had only two weeks left before the event.

The instructor handed me my daughter’s uniform and instructed me casually to get tan tights for her. No white, no pink, must be tan. OK, I noted, making a recurring entry into my cell phone calendar to make sure I got the tights on time.

The reminder popped up as programmed. Actually, that reminder would pop up 10 times, before I finally acknowledged it. The recital was a Saturday and it was the Thursday before that I finally acknowledged it.

You see, I’m a recovering procrastinator. Everything I have to do can always be done later. I always make lists and then reschedule them, until deadlines loom and the stress of procrastination begins to take its toll. I did say recovering right?

Well I went to one store during my lunch break on this Thursday, and to my horror, there were no tan tights. I went to another store; I saw pink, white, but no tan. I would go on Friday to yet another store. Still no tan tights.

Out of desperation, I bought a beige pair, but against my daughter’s skin, it looked pink and weird. By now, panic had set in. I did not want my daughter to look different from all the other little girls on the stage. I wanted her to look perfect.

My husband glanced at us and remarked that for the 10 minute show, no one would even notice. She looked fine in her beige tights. We went home grudgingly. The recital was at 10.30 the next day, with instructions to get there at 10am.

Before I went to bed that night, I hatched out a plan that I would go out early the next day and look at one more store, and hopefully get the tan tights.

I woke up early the next day and informed my family that I was going to get batteries (which indeed I was, as well as the tights). I went to yet another store. No tan tights. Disappointed, I headed to my car, and then remembered one other store. One more try I told myself.

I went over to that store and rummaged through their ballet section. Finally, at 9.15am, I found a pair of small tan tights. The only pair left. Victory!.I grabbed them, paid and went home bearing my trophy. I got home at 9.30am.

I was happy and proud of my daughter. She looked beautiful and adorable in her little outfit. She looked exactly like the other little ballerinas.

At the venue, as I waited backstage with the other mums, I observed that a little girl in the group had lost her neck ribbon, Her mom was fretting, looking around and trying to find out where it was. I remembered what my husband had said to me; in the ten minute recital, no one would notice this missing neck tie. But at the same time, I knew exactly how she felt.

My little ballerina did great, we gave her flowers, we took pictures, and we went home. I had learnt another lesson about not procrastinating on even the things that seemed small and minor.

Nowadays, I strive hard to live by “never leave until tomorrow what can be done today”. If there’s something that needs to be done, I at least start it, one small task at a time. I still get slip ups once in a while, but I'll keep trying.

Nigerians and the age thing

2009-07-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

If you have been following my blog for a while, you are probably wondering what does she look like (Not to worry, I will soon put a picture, just looking for the perfect one). You have also probably wondered how old I am. I might tell you, but you have to wait until the end of the article.

We Nigerians can be secretive about a lot of things. A lot of things – some things rightly so, others totally unnecessary. Like age. Everyone wants you to respect them for the “madam” they are, and even when they know you are older, some still want some real respect because they are “married”.

Respect should always be mutual, whether we are older, younger, married or single. If you live by the simple rule to treat others as you would like to be treated, you are already obeying that rule of mutual respect.

Back to the age thing, I have asked some people about their age and they smile coyly and say ‘Leave that alone, that’s not so important” or change the subject. I am sure you’d like to know mine as well. Wait till the end of this article.

But you know what; I was surprised at how much this Nigerian thing has rubbed off on me as well. While working with two consultants recently, they said their ages and everything else. We had worked together for at least 6 months out of a one year project before I could say mine. I couldn’t understand it myself.

Well here’s news for you friends, there are so many resources to do some investigative research and come up with your age. Aside from the fact that the world is such a small place, the internet has made it even smaller. With a few clicks here and there or a few questions here and there I can get your age, or the information that makes me get it.

Age is just a number. Respect others and they will respect you. Treat others with kindness and fairness and you will have the same. Don’t approach friendship with a “what’s in it for me” attitude. That’s about it really.

Thanks so much for your patience in reading this and waiting to the end of the article to find out my age. Well, um, I think I changed my mind. I don’t think age is that important after all? I can’t tell you right now, because um, after all I am still a Nigerian. We’ll talk about it next time. Maybe next time.

Acts of Kindness

2009-07-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

Kindness - Don’t you love that warm fuzzy feeling when someone has been kind to you or you have been kind to someone, helped out a friend or stranger in need?. I do. And recently I got the chance to have that warm appreciative feeling again.

I went to work out at my local gym, and decided to order some food for lunch. I did not take my purse because we had been warned that items were being stolen. But I did have a twenty dollar bill tucked into my iPod case. I got to the gym, unloaded as much as I could into my pockets, and had a great workout.

I finished, ordered my food and stood in line to pay. I was the last one in line. Finally it was my turn. I opened my I-pod case. My twenty dollar bill was gone. I opened it again, it was still gone. My mouth opened as the cashier and I looked at each other.

“I had a twenty dollar bill”. I said earnestly. “I promise you I had some money”.
By now it was getting late and I had to get back to work, and I could not come back.
“I could come back and pay you, just not today, and I am very hungry”. I said
I felt his hesitation “I don’t know Ma’am”

I stood there for a few minutes trying to think, but grateful that I was alone with the cashier.
Eventually I shrugged. "You know what, that’s fine, maybe next time". I said and turned to leave.

As I left the building, I thought to myself, no lunch, café is closed, wallet is at work, and you can’t come back. I got to my car and decided to take one last look – I rummaged through my workout pants, and there it was – my folded $20.00 bill.

As I turned to go back, I saw the young cashier running out the door with my food “Ma'am, ma'am, here you go”

“I found it”. We both talked at once. “I found it” I repeated.
"Its ok" he said smiling shyly "I felt really bad for you; I thought maybe I should just pay and let you have it, you seemed so honest."
We both laughed. At my insistence, we both went back inside where I paid and got my lunch and change.

I thanked him warmly and told him how appreciative I was of his kindness. I left the restaurant happy with my lunch, and happy with the fact that someone had been kind to me. I made a mental note to help a stranger. I had before, but now, I would do it again. And again. I felt good and I am sure the young boy felt good with himself too.

2009-06-24T20:15:00.000-07:00

Writing is like an itch. Except when I scratch,it doesn't go away. I love it.

Sometimes My Heart Is Alone

2009-06-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my heart is alone
Sometimes I feel a disquiet deep within
I feel alone deep within
I speak to friends
I speak to family
But my heart still feels alone

Sometimes I feel alone
Even in the midst of work
In the midst of friends
In the midst of family
This disquiet deep within me
And I wonder why

But then I whisper a prayer to God
Well, maybe a conversation
I whisper in my heart
God, why am I alone?
Where is your spirit?
Where is my spirit?

And I think. I know I hear a whisper
I hear a small still voice that says
That lonely time
That quiet time
Is your time to be still and know
It's your time to listen
It's your time for inspiration

And so I listen
Deep within
For that small still voice
For that spirit of conviction
For the training and chastising
For the love and encouragement
For the haven, and safety
And you know, I hear it
And I grow
In that small still voice
I hear it.

Pure Laughter

2009-06-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

Are you sad or anxious?

Listen to a child laugh

Watch as they run around in circles

Playing one game or the other

Listen with your soul to their shrills of joy

And shrieks of amusement

Have you ever heard a child laugh?

Pure joy

Purity

That is what a child’s laughter is

No guile, not forced

Just sheer purity

There is no thought behind it

No question about being too loud or too strong

Just Pure laughter

Have you ever heard a child laugh?

Seriously, take a minute and just listen

Enjoy, and let it soak

Just watch them as they run around

Experience pure joy at their innocent laugh

Pure joy, Purity

Upliftment for your soul

Pure joy

Summer Walk

2009-06-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

I like to take a summer walk

When it’s just right

I like to breathe in the trees

And smell the leaves

The fresh smell of summer

I like it best when it’s just rained

When the ground is just dry

And the faint aroma of rain remains

That indescribable, pleasurable aroma

The fresh smell of rain

It is true what they say about the summer breeze

I breathe in deep

And exhale beautifully

Thankful for all things beautiful in my life

Reflecting on all things that still need work

Thankful for summer just right

I like to take a summer walk

And just breathe

Mothers, Wives, Sisters…Lost in the shuffle

2009-05-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

I recently went with some friends to see a stage play. I remember the opening, the first act, and how glued to my seat I was. I remember thinking I have missed this!

I tried to remember the last time I went to a play and it was probably a dozen or more years ago when I was single and on vacation in England and a friend of mine had invited me to see a play he wrote. This new play some eons afterward made me realize how much I missed all that and didn’t even realize it. You see I had acted while I was in high school. I had acted, read the comedy news, made comedy sketches, loved literature and the theatre with a passion and that had carried over to college where I had studied English with a major in literature and made sure I saw almost every play on Campus.

Fast forward to married life and kids - I remember begging my husband to get a babysitter and let’s go see Mama Mia (My dad had bought us an ABBA video when we were young and my sister and I are hooked till today) and I kid you not his response was “Mama Mia?, that’s a girls show” Trouble is, I didn’t have a girlfriend to go watch it with, so I didn’t go.

I also begged him to let us go and see the stage production of Lion king and his response was “But Sola, we’re from Africa why would we pay to go see a show about Africa?” he asked genuinely puzzled.

And 10 years into my marriage, I never saw a play because my husband never wanted to see one, or I was too busy with school or the kids’ schedules or cooking, cleaning, and laundry that the days just seemed to fly by and I realized that like so many other moms, I had simply been lost in the shuffle

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t and never will blame my family or my husband…he never stopped me from going on my own, and always encouraged me. I just didn’t.

But I do realize - plays are not what make him tick. They are what make ME tick. He would wake up at 5am or 2am and never miss a Formula 1 game or his European football league no matter what. I would dutifully keep the kids away and let him enjoy his hobby, but then I never enjoyed mine!! I never went back to what makes me tick.

So back to this play - I was enthralled with the acting as well as the actors. I was enthralled with the idea that these people must really enjoy doing what they do, enjoy rehearsals, and just truly enjoy performing.

And I started to think to myself…I have lost myself…I have lost a lot of what I enjoy doing, a lot of what I consider past time hobbies and activities.
I started to think – hobbies are what you do to refuel to have enough so you can give back. Hobbies are like your batteries that need recharging once in a while. What about me, and the things I love, like cooking for pleasure (not the weekday cooking where I have to get dinner ready – hurry....hurry) and writing (my friends keep saying Sola, you should have had something out by now) and travelling and acting and watching plays?.

And so I acted on those thoughts. First, I emailed a fellow writer – who is established and published and who I don’t know personally but have read a lot of her articles. (I hope she’s reading this). I told her I would love to start writing again but just didn’t know how. She was kind enough to write back with encouraging words and tips.

I also spoke to a friend of mine about the play I saw and the profound effect it had on me and what pleasant memories it brought back…and how I made up my mind that I wanted to start finding myself again and making time for me so I don’t feel burnt out.

We both agreed that we would start creating time to do things for ourselves, for the “me” in us.

So to all mothers and sisters and wives out there ….I love my family, I love being a mom, and would not give anything up for the world, but I could add to it. We’ve got to find time for what makes us tick and do it, so that we then have the energy and the zest to take good care of our families. We’ve got to reach inside and take care of ME!

Whatever it is that you like to do, cook? take a cooking class, learn or try a new recipe. Find the time for that massage - for that dance class - for the writing class, go shopping alone, go for a massage, for that haircut – for that conference or see a play or movie with a girlfriend.

Find yourself again, emerge from the shuffle and do a shuffle for you…enjoy what you love, and you and yours will be better for it. Find what you like- it’s not too hard. What are the things that you enjoy or used to enjoy? - write them down. How can you begin to enjoy them again?
I remember thinking to myself – I know what I’d like to use as a New Year resolution- Follow your passion…find your passion and follow it.

And so for myself this coming year, that would involve God first, then family, then the hobbies - going to cooking classes, taking creative writing classes, exercising, and creating the time to write and someday, travelling again.

That might sound like nothing, but those are the things I enjoy.
I challenge you my sisters – find the time to follow your passion, and tell me all about it.

The muse is back

2009-05-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

OK - so here's my story - After a twenty something year sojourn from writing, and prodding from friends about my writing - I woke up one day and decided that the excuses had to stop. I had to begin using the talent that I was blessed with . I guess you can say the writing bug struck again. I realized that I still loved to write, and the ideas started flowing.

I am most alive when I'm putting pen to paper and jotting down my thoughts. And so the ideas started floating here and there - I started to find inspiration and ideas in just about anything, - I told myself we have to make this happen.

Once I committed to writing again, I quickly realized that the muse was back. So here I am - friends and family - please enjoy and promote and provide your constructive criticism as well.

My first article is about my rediscovery and my resolution for 2009 which is
" Follow your passion" - Its now May so I guess I am not doing too badly.